I Felt Like A Shadow

It was one of those days today. After I got up this morning, things started to go wrong. They weren't major catastrophes, just little things. I felt drained and distracted for most of the day. At the same time, I felt highly agitated and depressed.

I know that being unemployed right now is taking its toll, and it's only been a month and a half. Today negative thoughts filled my mind. Some of these thoughts included: doubting my worth as an human being, questioning myself about my intelligence and where I am right now in my life, and asking myself if I was good enough for Blair. Today, I also received an email response from one of my resumes which I had submitted this past weekend. The news wasn't encouraging and made me feel very sad. I felt like a shadow, empty, cold, and alone.

To help remedy the way I was feeling today, I decided to go out for a bike ride this evening. On my way home a couple of hours later, I felt decidedly better than I had before. I stopped by the coffee shop and checked my email on my iPhone. Earlier that day I had emailed Blair to inform him that I was not in a good head space. It wasn't until mid-evening before he was able to respond to me and ask me what was wrong. I knew the delay was because he was deeply engrossed in trying to finish his one-minute short film for submission to the Toronto Urban Film Festival this Wednesday. When I finally read his email, I promptly sent a message back briefly relating how I felt.

Once I got back home, I was very hungry and decided to indulge in some left over Chinese food, which had been ordered for dinner earlier that evening. After eating I pulled out my laptop and began writing this blog post. Then, I headed off to bed.